Can I Shout Out Everything Now?

right now I am a heap of emotional mess...


so please bear with whatever I write here, because I really need to get this all off my chest...





Why do I stare at random objects at random times,

because I'm guilty of hiding secrets and deceptions,

because I'm thinking of what is, what was, and what will happen...



Many know me as a mild mannered, silent, composed, individualist.

What many don't know is that I just care for my own ends... selfish...



I let people use me like a doormat, I let myself be stepped on because I don't fight...

I am a wallflower in a person's life, insignificant, but a bug in a windshield...



I feel so purposeless that I let myself be expendable.



I have many friends, many great friends...

and yet I find myself alone most of the time...



I am but immature, unlovable, and a slave to my own rules...



I have been raised not to take my chances,

so chances have been passing by all my life,

too scared to break the rules, and too scared to break my bones...



people have mocked me at almost every step of my way, I act indifferent,

but every little thing is a big gash too much to bear...



I have been a great actor everyday,

playing smiles, when all I felt was hate,

saying "I'm fine", when I truly meant "help me"



how did I truly love another, when I did not truly love myself...

how did I love myself then, when all I did was throw myself away....



...

...

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call me emotional if you want... I just want this out... I want the world to know....

most importantly I want my friends to know how I really feel inside...

If you are reading this right now, it is either:

-you're a friend of mine, who took some of their own time just to read this...

or

-you have randomly stumbled upon my blog, and now you probably think I need some form of theraphy... (you're probably right! HAHAHAH!)

either way... THANK YOU!

-

Others say F.M.L. (f*ck my life)

but I should say,

F.M.L. (Fix My Life)

-kens...